Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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