Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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