I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize