that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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