so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
