Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
