my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
