I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
