Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
