when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
