4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
