Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
