I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
