I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
