he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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