omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
