he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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