yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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