My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize