I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize