Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
