I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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