in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
