He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
