I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
