do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
