I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
