Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize