if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
