we have pet lesbian snakes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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