remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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