3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
