dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
