If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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