First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
