oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
wow bdsm is so cute
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
