I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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