I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Randomize
