btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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