hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize