3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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