dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
