Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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