Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
