Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
