people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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