Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
