Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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