3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
