The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
