Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
