Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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