my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's official drugs can't kill me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
