if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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