I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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