I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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