is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
