I wannas sexs uuuuu
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
