We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
