Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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