:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
