Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Panties = found
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
