listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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