i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
