Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
