His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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