What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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