i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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