you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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