Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
