Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
